Soon, you are going to receive an email. It will be a very angry email, possibly containing some profanities - depending on the other factors fuelling my Apple-induced rage at the time.
When you read it, WHICH YOU WILL, you will find it contains details of a certain problem with one of your products, one that I fear other Apple users may encounter. This problem is that your headphones don't work on the Apple model iPod shuffle. Your new headphones, that is. The ones that don't even fit in people's ears which you replaced your perfectly functioning old headphones with.
These are some queries I have regarding the problem:
1) WHAT THE FUCK APPLE?
2) Why would you introduce a product which is not compatible with another one of your products? I thought you were all about that, you know, making new models so they're not compatible with non-Apple products and so on. What's the point in making one of your own products practically useless?
3) When are you going to refund me for the new iPod which I had to purchase because there were no headphones compatible with my shuffle? Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful to be bought this alternative and have an iPod at all, but it is extremely unnecessary considering my old iPod works just fine. Very wasteful, and disappointing. Well, I guess you got your money out of me so at the end of the day that's all that really matters to you, right?
4) When will you be bringing back your old headphones, and when will I be receiving my own pair free of charge for my troubles?
5) If you do not plan on doing either of those things, when's a good time to appear on Watchdog and explain why you will not being doing them?
6) WHAT THE FUCK APPLE?
A pissed off sixteen year old with an emotional attachment to her old iPod, Clive.
R.I.P. Clive, who's not actually even dead. Apple's just cut you out of the picture to the effect of being dead. Thanks, Apple. You've basically made a fit young iPod redundant. YOUR VERY OWN, APPLE! YOUR VERY OWWWWNNNNN!
Sorry for this extremely retarded rant, people.